Poor Marketing

To My White Friends,

A sentence that should never be said to a black person, “Come by [insert business here], we’ve got big booty women and hip hop playing.” Now listen, I like big booty women and hip hop as much as the rest of…well, America, but that is not how to market to me because I’m black.

Ex-con Saves Baby on Georgia Highway…and she STILL doesn’t trust black people!

Redskins

To My White Friends,

Carolina Crackers
Houston Honkeys
New York Niggers
Kansas City Coons
Seattle Spicks
Green Bay Gooks
Washington Redskins???

An outsider can’t speak to how offensive something is.

Black Face Bank Robber?!

To My White Friends,

White people are wearing black face to rob banks now?! You don’t see us wearing white face to commit embezzlement or insider trading.

Blacks > Republicans

To My White Friends,

Trying to turn black people into republicans is like trying to get a kid to like questionable cough medicine. It “may” be the best thing for them, but it taste like shit.

Reverse Racism v. Affirmative Action

To My White Friends,

We’ll admit reverse racism exists if you admit affirmative action is a necessary practice.

WARNING: Beyoncé’s on tour

To My White Friends,

Be Advised: For the next few months, Black Women will be on high alert for disparaging remarks toward the black queen, Beyoncé. The men cannot protect you.

TU-PAC

To My White Friends,

His name is TU-PAC (tu:pok) not “Two Pack.” He was not the spokesperson for Newports nor was he the predecessor to 2 Chainz.

One day the white athlete will no longer tolerate this treatment!

 photo OhioStateNeckScratch.gif

World Cup Patriotism

To My White Friends,

Stop asking me who I’m rooting for now that the US is out of the World Cup! YOU KNOW I only started watching soccer 3 weeks ago (sorry, “futbol”).

Louis Vuitton…racist???

To My White Friends,

Black people hearing Louis Vuitton is being sued for discrimination is like you hearing Nutella hates white people, or like LGBTs hearing Cher hates gays. All that wasted support.

David Beckham

  • White Friend: Oh my god!! David Beckham's retiring???!!!
  • Me: So what is it about David Beckham? Is he like the Michael Jordan of Soccer?
  • White Friend: Eh...not quite.
  • Me: Ah...so he's Kobe.
  • White Friend: Yeah, he's Kobe.

Loyalty

To My White Friends,

I often respect your version of “hustle,” but your lack of loyalty scares me. It’s crazy that black people have more loyalty to their weed man than you do a co-worker. 

Cinco De Mayo

To My White Friends,

As you take disturbing amounts of tequila shots today, please remember our brown brothers and sisters as your relatives (and possibly you) talk about “illegal immigrants.” 

How far have we come?

How far have we come?